First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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