we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Randomize