So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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