There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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