Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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