Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
