Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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