The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I need to calm my uterus...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
