community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize