She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
