just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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