if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
