My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
