Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
