His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Houston, we have a blender
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
