omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
