So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
