Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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