anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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