btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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