we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
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