R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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