I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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