i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
