WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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