he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
