i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
my sisters under your porch take her home
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize