Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
