Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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