ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
