Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
