I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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