have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I touched a dick in church today
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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