i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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