an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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