I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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