idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
