Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
