dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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