that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
