im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
