bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize