girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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