i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize