you're like a bully in the Christmas story
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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