woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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