it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
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