I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
