Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
