the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
