yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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