I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
