how do flat chested girls get laid?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Randomize
