she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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