'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
