Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
