Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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