eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
