He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Randomize
