Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
