Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize