If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
