I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
