Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
