why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
