I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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