I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
